Season One | Season Two | Top Quotes
Well, since you're turning this living room into your own personal quarters, maybe you should make it comfortable? This has been a traumatic experience for you, dude. You've been through a lot. Maybe you should get a flat-screen TV. Don't skimp and get the Vizio, get what you deserve. Get the Sony.
— Kenny Powers 
Don't get all excited, dude. 3D is gay. Nobody wants to sit on a couch, wearing glasses, popping bubbles out of the air like some sorta fucked up Ray Charles. Oh, you like 3D? Well here's a burrito, coming right at ya!
— Kenny Powers 
I'm about one slow hump away from finally being over April. I want to knock that out before we get too many worshipers, you got it?
— Kenny Powers 
In America, people fucking hate soccer, and honestly, that's the way it should be. You kinda like soccer? I'm gunna pretend you didn't just make my dick go soft. Yeah, no. It's totally soft. I think it's just gone back inside of me with that... No, don't talk about soccer.
— Kenny Powers 
Well, it's no mystery that ass has always been tits greatest enemy. It's almost like a Muslim-Jewish thing, but with tits and ass.
— Kenny Powers 
Alright, same rules as last time: No catching feelings. I'm damaged goods, so you will have my body but you will not have my heart. Please don't expect it.
— Kenny Powers 
Her son? You came out of her vagina? I was all up in that shit last night!
— Kenny Powers 
I was wondering if I'd feel bad, you know, if.. uh.. You know, not that I'm an emotional person, but with blowing my load after finding out that April was married to someone else, would it hurt? It was actually, pretty fucking awesome. You should have seen the size of her ass. It was fucking incredible. It was like a goddamn hot air balloon right in front of me. I went 'pthht' all over the thing as soon as I saw it.
— Kenny Powers 
You know, I don't love the idea of her having a kid. Makes you kinda feel like her uterus is used up.
— Kenny Powers 
Listen man, pull our head out of your ass. Alright, dipshit? This is important. I didn't just come to Mexico to get drunk and fuck prostitutes. I mean, you know... I came here for that, but I also came here for something else, too.
— Kenny Powers 
Finally, all the pieces are falling together. All the answers I've been searching for are on the verge of totally being answered. I put in the goddamn man hours, fucking muscles, sweats, tears... Now it's my turn. I got this country wet. Now it's time to bend this bitch over and make her come.
— Kenny Powers 
It's like goddamn Cocktoberfest in here. I'm excited too, but let's not touch dicks, alright?
— Kenny Powers 
I'm wearing all black. Outlaws wear black. Fags and cocaine dealers wear white.
— Kenny Powers 
Capish? You don't even know what capish means, do you? That's 'cause that's Russian.
— Kenny Powers 
Just 'shhh' alright? No need to fucking bicker. At one point, both y'all were my bitches, so it's fine. You can bond on that. You don't have to be at eachother's throats.
— Kenny Powers