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Kenny Powers quotes from 2 of Season 2 (15 quotes)
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Over the course of my career, I played on many different teams. Some, I liked. Some, I really fucking hated. I'm not mentioning any names, but let's just say Seattle can tongue-kiss my shithole. The best way to get a new team on your side is to trash the last team you played for. Talk shit about how their fans suck and their women have pancake titties. And if that doesn't work, then just like prison, you pick the biggest, baddest dude on the team and you kick him in his fucking teeth.
— Kenny Powers 
Boom! A strike. Strikeout! Hey buddy, don't beat yourself up there, you pretty much had the entire force of God coming at ya.
— Kenny Powers 
You can save our pep talk for somebody who needs it. I got this come-back locked down tight, like a little girl's tuna. This is totally locked down tight, like a girl's private parts, who's small. Locker room talk, baby.
— Kenny Powers 
You luring me into a rape or something? What is this?
— Kenny Powers 
Not bad. This is one hell of a pussy palace, huh? Lotta marbles and architectures and shit. Flying buttresses. Lot of original artworks. Impressive.
— Kenny Powers 
How much, exactly, does it cost to buy a Mexican baseball team? $10 and a burrito?
— Kenny Powers 
I'm also an orphan. My dad ran out on me when I was just a kid. All he left was a batch of hepatitis on the toilet seat.
— Kenny Powers 
I basically want this shit to have the pageantry of like a goddamn Alabama concert. I'm talking about fireworks, smoke-bombs, laser beams, moon walks. You know how your people lit up the Alamo? That's the shit I'm talking about.
— Kenny Powers 
I don't know, I think he shot himself in his leg.
— Kenny Powers 
Now, this friday night, I guarantee you it's gonna be the biggest goddamn comeback celebration any y'all have ever seen. There's going to be people cheering and screaming and spotlights and fireworks. I wouldn't even doubt if there's a couple chicks showing their fucking pussies off. How do you say pussy in spanish? Panocha? I wouldn't doubt if some of the muchachas show their panochas off. They might show their panochas off. They might be waving their panochas all over the place. What I don't want to happen, is to be looking around when everybody's fucking screaming and cheering and celebrating me, and see all my teammates pouting and being jealous little bitches, dude. Ok? Remember, there is no 'i' in team, but there is a 'u' in cunt, so don't be little jealous cunts, ok? Let me get the praise and just be satisfied with the fact that you will get the runoff panocha.
— Kenny Powers 
This is me every night dude, just staring at buttholes and getting a buzz on.
— Kenny Powers 
You should also know that my name is not really Steve. It's actually, Kenny. Kenny Powers, I'm a world famous baseball player, I don't think I shared that with you. No, I was using an alias. Steve to me just kinda seems like a name of somebody who has absolutely nothing going on in their life.
— Kenny Powers 
On the long road to grief recovery, don't be surprised you gotta spill a little blood to get shit fixed. Of all great comebacks, somebody usually gets fucked.
— Kenny Powers 
Sometimes, being on the mend can get old real quick, like when you're doing all this awesome shit to show motherfuckers that you're cool now, and one day you figure out that maybe the one person you're truly trying to fix yourself for has moved the fuck on. And there you are, left in the midst of a battle that suddenly means nothing.
— Kenny Powers 
You really want me to make some noise? Then noise you shall see.
— Kenny Powers