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Kenny Powers quotes from 1 of Season 1 (21 quotes)
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When my ass was 19 years old, I changed the face of professional baseball. I was handed the keys to the kingdom. Multi-million dollar deals. Endorsements. Everyone wanted a piece of my shit. Just a man with a mind for victory and an arm like a fucking canon. But sometimes when you bring the thunder, you get lost in the storm. But a true champion, face to face in his darkest hour will do whatever it takes to rise above. A man fights, fights, and fights some more. Because surrender is death, and death is for pussies. And my ass ain't no pussy. My ass is a fucking champion.
— Kenny Powers 
I'm sick and tired for carrying all the weight... the coaches and owners not giving me the shit I need to win. Atlanta, you're fucking out. Kenny Powers is now a free agent. Let's find a bar and get shit-faced. Get me paid, Bitch! Superstar!
— Kenny Powers 
I got to tell you, I thought the blacks in Baltimore were bad, but turns out they're nothing compared to these fags you got in San Francisco.
— Kenny Powers 
You boys ever tag team anybody? Beat up any kids in your neighborhood? When we were kids, me and your dad used to beat the shit out of these retard brothers that used to live down the street from us. Hilarious. I mean, this guy was the most ruthless one. Now, I'm sitting here, he's got a family. He's got a nice shirt on. Mongoloid Mike? Is that what you used to call him? Bust his head open with a stick? Remember that?
— Kenny Powers 
Y'all named your daughter after fucking Titanic? Wow. You've got to be shitting me. What's his name? Fucking Shrek? No, huh?
— Kenny Powers 
Undaunted, I knew the game was mine to win. Just like in life, all of my successes depend on me. I'm the man who has the ball; I'm the man who can throw it faster than fuck. So, that is why I'm better than everyone in the world. Kiss my ass and suck my dick, everyone.
— Kenny Powers 
Ooohhh... I recognize your scent. Do you recognize my essence? Yeah? Yeah, that feels familiar? I think I'm going to need to change my pants. I'm just playing, I didn't come in my pants.
— Kenny Powers 
I play real sports. Not trying to be the best at exercising. Fuck this guy.
— Kenny Powers 
Oh, you think that's funny? How about I show you my balls right here and you can tell me if they shrunk, huh? No, for your information I have full sized balls.
— Kenny Powers 
No, babe, rehab. No, I didn't hurt myself. Oh, ok. Yeah, I hurt myself. I hurt my nose.
— Kenny Powers 
You know what? I can already tell that I don't like you, and I'm probably not going to like you no matter now many pull-ups or push-ups you do. If anybody wants to pick on anybody in class, aim for him because I ain't watching.
— Kenny Powers 
Sorry, nothing. I've had a lot of memories and sometimes I have to dump the small ones to make room for the bigger ones. But sometimes, when you try to dump the smaller ones, you think they're gone but they're not. They're sitting there, waiting to pick up exactly where they left off. No matter if there are new memories standing in their way or not.
— Kenny Powers 
Alright, so let me get this straight. So I'm gonna pay for a blow job, and I gotta pay for a goddamned hotel room too? Well that seems like I'm spending too much money for nothin'. I got a house. You can just get your ass over here and I could just do the blow job here. And can I wear the 'SCREAM' mask? The mask from 'SCREAM'... when I do you from behind. Hello? Hey!
— Kenny Powers 
I'm very upset with how I'm acting right now. I just have a very hard time expressing my emotions and I can't stop from yelling. So, I'm very sorry, I don't mean to offend you Wayne, you have fucking pissed me off, but I'm just very upset right now. So, I'm going to go ahead and go, but I'm not going to stop yellin' because then that'll mean I lost the fight.
— Kenny Powers 
I'm going to Shabooms!
— Kenny Powers 
A lot of people ask me, 'Kenny Powers, you're a giant star. You can get any woman. Have you ever paid for sex?' And the answer is yes, I have. And it's actually kinda cool. You can negotiate practically anything and sometimes, even just kind of do stuff in the moment that you never agreed to pay for and it goes by without much argument.
— Kenny Powers 
You want to know about relationships? I know all there is to know. Just ask my second wife Tina. Yeah, she was a stripper, and if Montel Williams wants to talk shit some more then he can go fuck himself because those charges were dropped.
— Kenny Powers 
Sure, I've been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I'm not. I honestly just feel that America is the best country and the other countries aren't as good. That used to be called patriotism.
— Kenny Powers 
Hey, Dustin! Look at me! I'm a fucking icon! Man, fuck your siding. God's taken a dump on my face. Love of my life doesn't want to have sex with me because she's getting married to some smoothie eating fairy. Only job opp I got is teaching a bunch of fucking piss-pants how to tie their shoes! This is me, Dustin. Take a picture.
— Kenny Powers 
Wow. I mean, you just nailed it. You just hit it on the head. You're saying I need to get back on top again. Yeah, man. I got to remember that I'm a winner, man. I need to remember that I AM better than everybody else. Fuck man, I'm a bullet-proof tiger, dude, and if everyone in this town has forgot who I am, then maybe it's time I remind 'em. Maybe it's time I remind everyone just who the fuck Kenny Powers is.
— Kenny Powers 
Hello. School, can you hear me? Good morning, students, teachers, faculty members, lunch ladies, janitors. This is Kenny Powers, professional baseball player, and I got something I wanna say. A lot of you motherfuckers think you know who Kenny Powers is. Well, I'm here today to tell y'all you don't know shit. There comes a time in every man's life when he's got to take a look at himself in a mirror and decide just exactly who he is. Well, I've come to that crossroads and I've decided. Kenny Powers is a man. Kenny Powers is an athlete. Kenny Powers is a lover. But the most he is, I mean, the thing that Kenny Powers is the most, is a goddamn champion. And the one thing a champion does not do is fucking quit. A true champion faces his enemies and he conquers them. And that is why I'm here today to tell you all that Kenny Powers is officially accepting the position of PE Coach here at Jefferson Davis Middle School. That is, until the majors call me back up. So, let's get the teaching on!
— Kenny Powers